FROM THE GREAT DANE... YOUSSEF: KATHY NAJIMY PEGGY HILL ON "KING OF THE HILL" by Dane Youssef

KATHY NAJIMY PEGGY HILL ON "KING OF THE HILL"

by Dane Youssef

As many of you who've even so much as glanced at this damn fine program may know, Margaret "Peggy" Hill is the wife of Hank Hill, the mother of Bobby Hill and the aunt (and often protégé') of Luanne Platter.

She is also a goddess of infinite perfection... in her own mind.

Born on a farm in Montana to life-long cattle ranchers in 1965, she moved to Texas for high school (although one would also bet it was to get the hell away from her family). Her mother was critically harsh to the point that she border-lined on the stereotypical chastising Jewish mother (remember Mrs. Constanza from "Seinfeld"), and her father was a bizarre cowboy who only spoke in nature Western philosophical metaphors.

Funnily enough, being born and raise in Montana meant that Peggy never learned how to ride a bike or even swim until she was at least 40.

Peggy believes that she is not merely perfect, she is a Jack of endless trade. She was a substitute Spanish teacher at Tom Landry Middle School (and briefly science at Arlen High). She prides herself on being fluent in the language, even more so than the people who speak it as their one and only language.

When really she only knows the most basic of words and every Spanish word she speaks sounds is labored with a heavy American accent and like she's reading it directly from a English-to-Spanish dictionary. She has worked as a freelance writer for the local newspaper, the Arlen Bystander. Writing musings, household, cleaning secrets and expose stories. All of those household secret tips were given to her by Minh and her expose stories were discredited.

She has also very briefly worked in pornographic fetishistic internet (much to the delight of Hanks friends--especially Bill Dautrieve), sold real estate, among many other endeavors.

She always laughs at her own jokes, has a self-congratulatory tone whenever she says something on her own behalf, which is often and adds an, "Oh, Peggy!" She also attempts to credit for everything under the sun, even sliced bread. She acts as if she personally invented inventions and techniques that have exsisted long before she was born. She states "opinions" and "secrets" of hers that are well-known facts.

Although Peggy has a sky-high opinion of herself, she is very insecure and her giant ego (which incidentally, is bigger than the state of Texas AND Montana put together), is easily shattered with the slightest touch of reality. She is often disillusioned and reduced to a loud, blubbering mess.

She is also very naive and is often tricked by anyone who hands her a compliment. Peggy is her own biggest fan, but she's so hard up for others that she's willing to believe anything. Which explains why she gets conned by so many, so early and often.

Peggy has once said, "Men will always be jealous of Hank for marrying me and there is no where on the universe he can hide from them."

Except outside of Peggy's mind where none of them exist. Well, except for Bill Dautrieve.

Although Peggy considers herself a superwoman, she also considers her own feet her Kryptonite.

She has struggled with them throughout her whole life as a handicap or deformity. They are gargantuan and always have been, even at the youngest age. As a child, she was teased severely for them and remains horribly insecure about them even to this day. As a little girl, she wanted a pair of Mary Janes, but the only thing in her size are a pair of Nurse's shoes... for a grown woman. Even to this day, her enormous feet make her options in footwear extremely limited.

A strong lack of shoe choice be deeply depressing for a woman

Am I right, ladies?

Hell, in one episode, it was revealed that Peggy's feet are even bigger than Hank's and he is a man who stands head and shoulders above her.

One evening at a dinner party for the new neighbors, one of them made fun of Peggy's shoe size. Peggy was infuriated. She felt the the sting of everyone who's ever hurt her by "treading" on those feet of her...

Hank went over and tried to comfort her, but accidentally stepped on those very wide-load feet of Peggy's, despite her and him were standing at least 6 inches apart. This twisted the deep knife in Peggy's feet that has always been and... will always be.

It's revealed that every year, Peggy takes a road trip to a special shoe store in Lubbock that caters exclusively to big-footed women. They have quite the monopoly. When we travel with her there, they welcome her with open arms. There are even pictures of famous big-footed women writing love letters all over the wall. Peggy is in her church.

Peggy was distraught enough over being a petite woman with size 16 feet. But the injury included insult when they ballooned even further to a 16 1/2, and that she quite possibly could reach the "Big 2-0." And even then, there's no guarantee those great monumental bastards will stop there.

Pretty soon, Peggy may not even have feet.

The feet will have her.

But as trying as they may be, she eventually meets a man helps her to realize that her incredible feet are responsible for her athletic ability, great confidence and perfect posture (she has no back problems whatsoever).

She has had athletic ambitions and pursuits since she was a child. Although first-rate as a batter and pitcher, she wasn't allowed to play on a little league team because she was a girl. Although she considers herself a true Rhoades-level scholar first and foremost, she loves the outdoor sports and has an excellent record on the women's softball team she plays for. The "foot specialist" made Peggy realize her gonzo feet were the sole reason her self-esteem was perplexingly high and why she was perhaps the most athletic woman for miles. "A gifted athlete" in his words. Can even Hank touch her when it comes to sports?

From that moment on, Peggy look down at her feet (or rather, up to them) with new eyes. Loving eyes and tender sighs...

Peggy is the only woman Hank has ever been with. As a girlfriend and as a lover. Hank believed the same could be said of Peggy, but nearly fell of the edge of the world when it was revealed this wasn't the case. She even became a real estate agent.

Her tomboyish masculine ways made her the object of worship at a drag club where the most ambitious female impersonators who are looking for the paradigm of "woman with balls." And after meeting our heroine, the "girls" put her on the same pedestal, the same shelf of wonderwoman greatness as Madonna, Cher, Barbara and Judy.

Yep, that's Peggy Hill.

The Queen of the Hill.

--Long Live The Queen, Dane Youssef

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