Monday, December 12, 2011

"TRUE COLORS" (1991): A MOVIE REVIEW by Dane Youssef

"TRUE COLORS" (1991): A MOVIE REVIEW

by Dane Youssef



"VERY WELL-PLAYED.... BUT ALMOST WRITTEN AT THE LEVEL OF AN AFTER-SCHOOL SPECIAL"


The Brat Pack actors are certainly a talented bunch. Everyone has a favorite. For me, it's a toss-up between James Spader and Anthony Michael Hall.


John Cusack was mesmerizing back in his early-days. He was a teenager, but he looked, sounded and acted very adult for his age. "The Sure Thing" put him on the map and "Say Anything..." made him a household name.


But while Crowe's "Say Anything..." was obviously a great movie, it was both a blessing and a curse for Cusack, who has rarely played anything else in his career. I know, I know. He's been in countless other movies. But "a rose by any other name..." His character, no matter what the movie, is essentially always Lloyd Dobbler.


Spader sometimes played other types besides the oily Steff from "Pretty in Pink." His typecast-breaking turn came when he played the lead in this movie.


But I know Cusack can do more. I keep waiting for him to. Which was one of my guilty pleasures of this movie.


The story and plot are the right out of the old fable about the rich man and the poor man who come together and create something special... and then the rich man betrays the poor man and casts him aside. And the poor man plots to take revenge...


Another big twist that "True Colors" has is it's twist in typecasting. Cusack specializes in playing sharp, calculated, smarter-than-average teenager... who's heartbroken and devastated... and is desperately trying to win back the girl. Here, Cusack plays a character who's as smart as the heroes he usually plays, though here he uses his intellectual gifts for evil instead of good. His goal is usually to win the girl's heart. Here he betrays the girl (and his close friend) in order to get what he wants.


And Spader usually plays blue-blooded, silver-spoon fed, upper-class yuppie scummy villains. Here he's still a rich blue-blooded yuppie. But a hero, who uses his financial connections to right wrongs and do just.


The two meet the first day of law school where there's a fender-bender and brief scuffle. Cusack angrily attacks Spader violently and blames him for the whole thing and the two have to be pulled apart. Later on, things get worse as they discover... their assigned to be roommates. Cusack smooths things over by admitting the whole thing was his fault. You'll see why.


Afterwords, the two form a fast friendship and Spader even uses his financial backgrounds and connections to help Cusack out. Later we find out that Cusack is lying about his background to fit in and the payoff feels lifted out of a soppy, moralizing and insipid sit-com where today's moral is... "If you have to be someone else to get a friend, then they're really not your friend."


Richard Widmark is great as well as the ailing senator who sees potential and ambition in Cusack after he sees what looks like Cusack doing him a favor, little realizing how dangerous Cusack is. Spader girlfriend considers breaking off the relationship for Cusack who can keep her bringing in big cash. She doesn't realize that Cusack is willing to betray her too, in order to get what he wants.


One of the major problems is that their true colors are obvious from the beginning. Cusack is clearly someone not to trust from the start and Spader all but actually walks on water. Another is that the movie is too thin. There isn't enough entry.


The movie... skims too much of the surface. And Spader's big plan and the finale is pretty tacked on.


The movie aspires to be a movie like "Patriot Games" or "Citizen Kane." But everything is routine and predictable and there are precious few new touches to this tired formula. If screenwriter Kevin Wade could've given the script a bit more depth and discovery into these characters and done a little more with the formula, this could have really been something special. The cast does what it can, but inevitably, a good cast can only take a movie so far. Still, it's worth seeing just for Cusack turn towards the dark side and Spader as a yuppie with heart.


Oh, well...


--Always Wearing His True Colors, Dane Youssef



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Friday, November 25, 2011

"Home, sweet môme:" AN ASSAULT ON FAMILY FILM by Dane Youssef

"Home, sweet môme:" AN ASSAULT ON FAMILY FILM

by Dane Youssef



NOW HERE IS A MOVIE so wrong-headed, wrong-hearted, wrong-made... so wrong, you'd think (or rather, hope) the old axiom of a broken clock that's right twice a day would prove. But nope. Doesn't. By a long shot.


Ah, "Home, sweet môme" The "Showgirls" of family films. Oh wait, "Showgirls" actually has a few fans.


But it is also one of those notorious, infamous for it's absolute awfulness. So much that it has it's own little following of those who just "have to see it to believe it, to see what all the fuss is all about." All this smoke... people want to see the towering inferno.


One of my most depressing experiences as a child was seeing Rob Reiner's "Home, sweet môme" In fact, as extensive internet research has shown me, it was a painful experience for many as children and stayed with him throughout adulthood.


One of the worst movies of the year. One of the worst movies of the decade. One of the worst movies ever made. One of the worst ever. And when I say "worst", I'm comparing it to things like the Plague, Holocaust, World Hunger, AIDS and Leperocy.


Elijah Wood is a wonder-boy who is constantly ignored by his parents despite his best intentions and efforts that make most parents beam like the sun with pride. He spends a lot of time feeling ignored and sits in a chair in a furniture store at the mall to think. He decides he deserves better parents than the ones he's got (who doesn't?) and divorces them. He travels all over the globe and finds surrogate folks which are not right for him. Not loving, caring, nurturing... or very funny or interesting.


His best friend from school is enthusiastic about the divorce and gets the word out to all parents that children deserve better and thing better change or else.


While it is a thrill to see Jason Alexander and Julia Louis-Dreyfus together as a married couple and action legend Bruce Willis in an easter bunny suit... believe me, it doesn't last. The bad outweighs the good. Oh, HOW the bad outweighs... I was actually in physical pain watching how badly the film's plot is handled.


The big-name celebrity bit-players are many: Aykroyd, McEntire, Lovitz, Willis, Greene, Vigoda, Belzer, Stein, Godunov, McGillis, Ritter, Johansson and Arkin; among others.


Films with a big-name cast doing walk-ons is kind of tricky. Often this leads to a bunch of actors embarrassing themselves in bit throwaway roles for a quickie paycheck and "the sake of work." It all really depends on the film itself; the screenplay and director.


When a film with such a high pedigree of actors and filmmaker, Mr. Rob Reiner, you have to wonder why this whole damn thing went so incredibly wrong. And then kept going. And going and going. I am reminded of the legendary quote, "Only those who dare to fail greatly, can achieve greatly." And just about all who flaunt this picture have achieved greatly at one time or another. So... there you go. The Ying to the Yang.


The result can be "Traffic." Or the result can be "Even Cowgirls Get The Blues."


You know, it's funny. When I first saw the trailer, I thought to myself, "Wow. This looks like a good movie. I'm gonna see this one."


And yes, the trailer damn well made this look like a good one. It just goes to show you... advertisements can make anything look appealing. Hey, remember "Babe: Pig In The City?" The ads didn't make the movie look like much. But the movie was... wow.


Hey, come to think of it-- I would like to advise to everyone who was unfortunate enough to see any more of this one that what they used for the trailers (so much as a frame more) to go out and rent "Babe II."


It's an ideal antidote. Of course, you may need a few days of bed-rest and antibiotics right after seeing "North," but after that... please... don't let this one put you off movies. Or any of the truly gifted people who were associated with this abomination.


Wood is one of the most talented actors ever to grace the business and the man seems unable to do a bad job on screen. Just check out "Radio Flyer" for evidence. But hey, like I need to tell you, right? But while his acting is on-par with Brando, Guiness, Hopkins, etc; not every movie to come his way compliments his talents. Just after the disastrous misfire "The Good Son," this one floated it's way into theaters like a chunky, nutty, crooked turd after a whole year of improper diet. Adding further insult to injury.


Seriously, I actually picture Jesus H. Christ himself on the cross, thinking to himself, "I died for this... ? If I'd known, I wouldn't have bothered." We all make mistakes, even colossal ones. Even the best of us.


Hell, especially the best of us! Disney was an anti-Semite, L. Ron was a pedophile, R. Crumb is a racist and misogynistic sycophant. And I myself...


In summary, "Home, sweet môme" is a childhood trauma that refuses to be repressed. For many, including myself. Don't let it be yours.


Still, we are all mortal. We are all human. We all make mistakes, we stumble, falter. No one of us are infallible. Rob Reiner has delivered us "When Harry Met Sally," "The Sure Thing," "This Is Spinal Tap," "The Princess Bride" and "The American President." Surely, can't we forgive "Home, sweet môme"? "Only those who dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly."


And Reiner has clearly done both. Let us at this as one of humanity's greatest follies... and try to find laughter in it. Not at the movie itself, which is clearly impossible, but at the movie's expense. Laugh, my children. Laugh, not with, AT, you see.


OK, Mr. Reiner. You are officially forgiven. I already look forward to your next effort behind the camera. May you achieve as big a piece of the rock as fellow '70's-era actor-idol idol Ron Howard.


Good luck, Godspeed... and let's hope--sorry, PRAY another abomination like this isn't in the works.


Peace...


--Love, Dane Youssef


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"Genitori cercasi": AN ASSAULT ON FAMILY FILM by Dane Youssef

"Genitori cercasi:" AN ASSAULT ON FAMILY FILM

by Dane Youssef



NOW HERE IS A MOVIE so wrong-headed, wrong-hearted, wrong-made... so wrong, you'd think (or rather, hope) the old axiom of a broken clock that's right twice a day would prove. But nope. Doesn't. By a long shot.


Ah, "North, o Puto Maravilha" The "Showgirls" of family films. Oh wait, "Showgirls" actually has a few fans.


But it is also one of those notorious, infamous for it's absolute awfulness. So much that it has it's own little following of those who just "have to see it to believe it, to see what all the fuss is all about." All this smoke... people want to see the towering inferno.


One of my most depressing experiences as a child was seeing Rob Reiner's "North, o Puto Maravilha" In fact, as extensive internet research has shown me, it was a painful experience for many as children and stayed with him throughout adulthood.


One of the worst movies of the year. One of the worst movies of the decade. One of the worst movies ever made. One of the worst ever. And when I say "worst", I'm comparing it to things like the Plague, Holocaust, World Hunger, AIDS and Leperocy.


Elijah Wood is a wonder-boy who is constantly ignored by his parents despite his best intentions and efforts that make most parents beam like the sun with pride. He spends a lot of time feeling ignored and sits in a chair in a furniture store at the mall to think. He decides he deserves better parents than the ones he's got (who doesn't?) and divorces them. He travels all over the globe and finds surrogate folks which are not right for him. Not loving, caring, nurturing... or very funny or interesting.


His best friend from school is enthusiastic about the divorce and gets the word out to all parents that children deserve better and thing better change or else.


While it is a thrill to see Jason Alexander and Julia Louis-Dreyfus together as a married couple and action legend Bruce Willis in an easter bunny suit... believe me, it doesn't last. The bad outweighs the good. Oh, HOW the bad outweighs... I was actually in physical pain watching how badly the film's plot is handled.


The big-name celebrity bit-players are many: Aykroyd, McEntire, Lovitz, Willis, Greene, Vigoda, Belzer, Stein, Godunov, McGillis, Ritter, Johansson and Arkin; among others.


Films with a big-name cast doing walk-ons is kind of tricky. Often this leads to a bunch of actors embarrassing themselves in bit throwaway roles for a quickie paycheck and "the sake of work." It all really depends on the film itself; the screenplay and director.


When a film with such a high pedigree of actors and filmmaker, Mr. Rob Reiner, you have to wonder why this whole damn thing went so incredibly wrong. And then kept going. And going and going. I am reminded of the legendary quote, "Only those who dare to fail greatly, can achieve greatly." And just about all who flaunt this picture have achieved greatly at one time or another. So... there you go. The Ying to the Yang.

The result can be "Traffic." Or the result can be "Even Cowgirls Get The Blues."


You know, it's funny. When I first saw the trailer, I thought to myself, "Wow. This looks like a good movie. I'm gonna see this one."


And yes, the trailer damn well made this look like a good one. It just goes to show you... advertisements can make anything look appealing. Hey, remember "Babe: Pig In The City?" The ads didn't make the movie look like much. But the movie was... wow.


Hey, come to think of it-- I would like to advise to everyone who was unfortunate enough to see any more of this one that what they used for the trailers (so much as a frame more) to go out and rent "Babe II."


It's an ideal antidote. Of course, you may need a few days of bed-rest and antibiotics right after seeing "North," but after that... please... don't let this one put you off movies. Or any of the truly gifted people who were associated with this abomination.


Wood is one of the most talented actors ever to grace the business and the man seems unable to do a bad job on screen. Just check out "Radio Flyer" for evidence. But hey, like I need to tell you, right? But while his acting is on-par with Brando, Guiness, Hopkins, etc; not every movie to come his way compliments his talents. Just after the disastrous misfire "The Good Son," this one floated it's way into theaters like a chunky, nutty, crooked turd after a whole year of improper diet. Adding further insult to injury.


Seriously, I actually picture Jesus H. Christ himself on the cross, thinking to himself, "I died for this... ? If I'd known, I wouldn't have bothered." We all make mistakes, even colossal ones. Even the best of us.


Hell, especially the best of us! Disney was an anti-Semite, L. Ron was a pedophile, R. Crumb is a racist and misogynistic sycophant. And I myself...


In summary, "North, o Puto Maravilha" is a childhood trauma that refuses to be repressed. For many, including myself. Don't let it be yours.


Still, we are all mortal. We are all human. We all make mistakes, we stumble, falter. No one of us are infallible. Rob Reiner has delivered us "When Harry Met Sally," "The Sure Thing," "This Is Spinal Tap," "The Princess Bride" and "The American President." Surely, can't we forgive "North, o Puto Maravilha"? "Only those who dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly."


And Reiner has clearly done both. Let us at this as one of humanity's greatest follies... and try to find laughter in it. Not at the movie itself, which is clearly impossible, but at the movie's expense. Laugh, my children. Laugh, not with, AT, you see.


OK, Mr. Reiner. You are officially forgiven. I already look forward to your next effort behind the camera. May you achieve as big a piece of the rock as fellow '70's-era actor-idol idol Ron Howard.


Good luck, Godspeed... and let's hope--sorry, PRAY another abomination like this isn't in the works.


Peace...


--Love, Dane Youssef


danessf@yahoo.com

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"Det perfekte barn": A DIRE WARNING by Dane Youssef

"Det perfekte barn:" A DIRE WARNING

by Dane Youssef



NOW HERE IS A MOVIE so wrong-headed, wrong-hearted, wrong-made... so wrong, you'd think (or rather, hope) the old axiom of a broken clock that's right twice a day would prove. But nope. Doesn't. By a long shot.


Ah, "North, o Puto Maravilha" The "Showgirls" of family films. Oh wait, "Showgirls" actually has a few fans.


But it is also one of those notorious, infamous for it's absolute awfulness. So much that it has it's own little following of those who just "have to see it to believe it, to see what all the fuss is all about." All this smoke... people want to see the towering inferno.


One of my most depressing experiences as a child was seeing Rob Reiner's "North, o Puto Maravilha" In fact, as extensive internet research has shown me, it was a painful experience for many as children and stayed with him throughout adulthood.


One of the worst movies of the year. One of the worst movies of the decade. One of the worst movies ever made. One of the worst ever. And when I say "worst", I'm comparing it to things like the Plague, Holocaust, World Hunger, AIDS and Leperocy.


Elijah Wood is a wonder-boy who is constantly ignored by his parents despite his best intentions and efforts that make most parents beam like the sun with pride. He spends a lot of time feeling ignored and sits in a chair in a furniture store at the mall to think. He decides he deserves better parents than the ones he's got (who doesn't?) and divorces them. He travels all over the globe and finds surrogate folks which are not right for him. Not loving, caring, nurturing... or very funny or interesting.


His best friend from school is enthusiastic about the divorce and gets the word out to all parents that children deserve better and thing better change or else.


While it is a thrill to see Jason Alexander and Julia Louis-Dreyfus together as a married couple and action legend Bruce Willis in an easter bunny suit... believe me, it doesn't last. The bad outweighs the good. Oh, HOW the bad outweighs... I was actually in physical pain watching how badly the film's plot is handled.


The big-name celebrity bit-players are many: Aykroyd, McEntire, Lovitz, Willis, Greene, Vigoda, Belzer, Stein, Godunov, McGillis, Ritter, Johansson and Arkin; among others.


Films with a big-name cast doing walk-ons is kind of tricky. Often this leads to a bunch of actors embarrassing themselves in bit throwaway roles for a quickie paycheck and "the sake of work." It all really depends on the film itself; the screenplay and director.


When a film with such a high pedigree of actors and filmmaker, Mr. Rob Reiner, you have to wonder why this whole damn thing went so incredibly wrong. And then kept going. And going and going. I am reminded of the legendary quote, "Only those who dare to fail greatly, can achieve greatly." And just about all who flaunt this picture have achieved greatly at one time or another. So... there you go. The Ying to the Yang.

The result can be "Traffic." Or the result can be "Even Cowgirls Get The Blues."


You know, it's funny. When I first saw the trailer, I thought to myself, "Wow. This looks like a good movie. I'm gonna see this one."


And yes, the trailer damn well made this look like a good one. It just goes to show you... advertisements can make anything look appealing. Hey, remember "Babe: Pig In The City?" The ads didn't make the movie look like much. But the movie was... wow.


Hey, come to think of it-- I would like to advise to everyone who was unfortunate enough to see any more of this one that what they used for the trailers (so much as a frame more) to go out and rent "Babe II."


It's an ideal antidote. Of course, you may need a few days of bed-rest and antibiotics right after seeing "North," but after that... please... don't let this one put you off movies. Or any of the truly gifted people who were associated with this abomination.


Wood is one of the most talented actors ever to grace the business and the man seems unable to do a bad job on screen. Just check out "Radio Flyer" for evidence. But hey, like I need to tell you, right? But while his acting is on-par with Brando, Guiness, Hopkins, etc; not every movie to come his way compliments his talents. Just after the disastrous misfire "The Good Son," this one floated it's way into theaters like a chunky, nutty, crooked turd after a whole year of improper diet. Adding further insult to injury.


Seriously, I actually picture Jesus H. Christ himself on the cross, thinking to himself, "I died for this... ? If I'd known, I wouldn't have bothered." We all make mistakes, even colossal ones. Even the best of us.


Hell, especially the best of us! Disney was an anti-Semite, L. Ron was a pedophile, R. Crumb is a racist and misogynistic sycophant. And I myself...


In summary, "North, o Puto Maravilha" is a childhood trauma that refuses to be repressed. For many, including myself. Don't let it be yours.


Still, we are all mortal. We are all human. We all make mistakes, we stumble, falter. No one of us are infallible. Rob Reiner has delivered us "When Harry Met Sally," "The Sure Thing," "This Is Spinal Tap," "The Princess Bride" and "The American President." Surely, can't we forgive "North, o Puto Maravilha"? "Only those who dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly."


And Reiner has clearly done both. Let us at this as one of humanity's greatest follies... and try to find laughter in it. Not at the movie itself, which is clearly impossible, but at the movie's expense. Laugh, my children. Laugh, not with, AT, you see.


OK, Mr. Reiner. You are officially forgiven. I already look forward to your next effort behind the camera. May you achieve as big a piece of the rock as fellow '70's-era actor-idol idol Ron Howard.


Good luck, Godspeed... and let's hope--sorry, PRAY another abomination like this isn't in the works.


Peace...


--Love, Dane Youssef


danessf@yahoo.com

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=58175682

http://www.google.com/profiles/youssef.daneyoussefcom.dane

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"North, o Puto Maravilha": A NESSICARY MOVIE REVIEW by Dane Youssef

"North, o Puto Maravilha: A NESSICARY MOVIE REVIEW"

by Dane Youssef



NOW HERE IS A MOVIE so wrong-headed, wrong-hearted, wrong-made... so wrong, you'd think (or rather, hope) the old axiom of a broken clock that's right twice a day would prove. But nope. Doesn't. By a long shot.


Ah, "North, o Puto Maravilha" The "Showgirls" of family films. Oh wait, "Showgirls" actually has a few fans.


But it is also one of those notorious, infamous for it's absolute awfulness. So much that it has it's own little following of those who just "have to see it to believe it, to see what all the fuss is all about." All this smoke... people want to see the towering inferno.


One of my most depressing experiences as a child was seeing Rob Reiner's "North, o Puto Maravilha" In fact, as extensive internet research has shown me, it was a painful experience for many as children and stayed with him throughout adulthood.


One of the worst movies of the year. One of the worst movies of the decade. One of the worst movies ever made. One of the worst ever. And when I say "worst", I'm comparing it to things like the Plague, Holocaust, World Hunger, AIDS and Leperocy.


Elijah Wood is a wonder-boy who is constantly ignored by his parents despite his best intentions and efforts that make most parents beam like the sun with pride. He spends a lot of time feeling ignored and sits in a chair in a furniture store at the mall to think. He decides he deserves better parents than the ones he's got (who doesn't?) and divorces them. He travels all over the globe and finds surrogate folks which are not right for him. Not loving, caring, nurturing... or very funny or interesting.


His best friend from school is enthusiastic about the divorce and gets the word out to all parents that children deserve better and thing better change or else.


While it is a thrill to see Jason Alexander and Julia Louis-Dreyfus together as a married couple and action legend Bruce Willis in an easter bunny suit... believe me, it doesn't last. The bad outweighs the good. Oh, HOW the bad outweighs... I was actually in physical pain watching how badly the film's plot is handled.


The big-name celebrity bit-players are many: Aykroyd, McEntire, Lovitz, Willis, Greene, Vigoda, Belzer, Stein, Godunov, McGillis, Ritter, Johansson and Arkin; among others.


Films with a big-name cast doing walk-ons is kind of tricky. Often this leads to a bunch of actors embarrassing themselves in bit throwaway roles for a quickie paycheck and "the sake of work." It all really depends on the film itself; the screenplay and director.


When a film with such a high pedigree of actors and filmmaker, Mr. Rob Reiner, you have to wonder why this whole damn thing went so incredibly wrong. And then kept going. And going and going. I am reminded of the legendary quote, "Only those who dare to fail greatly, can achieve greatly." And just about all who flaunt this picture have achieved greatly at one time or another. So... there you go. The Ying to the Yang.

The result can be "Traffic." Or the result can be "Even Cowgirls Get The Blues."


You know, it's funny. When I first saw the trailer, I thought to myself, "Wow. This looks like a good movie. I'm gonna see this one."


And yes, the trailer damn well made this look like a good one. It just goes to show you... advertisements can make anything look appealing. Hey, remember "Babe: Pig In The City?" The ads didn't make the movie look like much. But the movie was... wow.


Hey, come to think of it-- I would like to advise to everyone who was unfortunate enough to see any more of this one that what they used for the trailers (so much as a frame more) to go out and rent "Babe II."


It's an ideal antidote. Of course, you may need a few days of bed-rest and antibiotics right after seeing "North," but after that... please... don't let this one put you off movies. Or any of the truly gifted people who were associated with this abomination.


Wood is one of the most talented actors ever to grace the business and the man seems unable to do a bad job on screen. Just check out "Radio Flyer" for evidence. But hey, like I need to tell you, right? But while his acting is on-par with Brando, Guiness, Hopkins, etc; not every movie to come his way compliments his talents. Just after the disastrous misfire "The Good Son," this one floated it's way into theaters like a chunky, nutty, crooked turd after a whole year of improper diet. Adding further insult to injury.


Seriously, I actually picture Jesus H. Christ himself on the cross, thinking to himself, "I died for this... ? If I'd known, I wouldn't have bothered." We all make mistakes, even colossal ones. Even the best of us.


Hell, especially the best of us! Disney was an anti-Semite, L. Ron was a pedophile, R. Crumb is a racist and misogynistic sycophant. And I myself...


In summary, "North, o Puto Maravilha" is a childhood trauma that refuses to be repressed. For many, including myself. Don't let it be yours.


Still, we are all mortal. We are all human. We all make mistakes, we stumble, falter. No one of us are infallible. Rob Reiner has delivered us "When Harry Met Sally," "The Sure Thing," "This Is Spinal Tap," "The Princess Bride" and "The American President." Surely, can't we forgive "North, o Puto Maravilha"? "Only those who dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly."


And Reiner has clearly done both. Let us at this as one of humanity's greatest follies... and try to find laughter in it. Not at the movie itself, which is clearly impossible, but at the movie's expense. Laugh, my children. Laugh, not with, AT, you see.


OK, Mr. Reiner. You are officially forgiven. I already look forward to your next effort behind the camera. May you achieve as big a piece of the rock as fellow '70's-era actor-idol idol Ron Howard.


Good luck, Godspeed... and let's hope--sorry, PRAY another abomination like this isn't in the works.


Peace...


--Love, Dane Youssef


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Saturday, November 19, 2011

BRIGITTE NIELSEN AS Ludmilla Vobet Drago in "ROCKY IV": A CHARACTER BIOGRAPHY by Dane Youssef

BRIGITTE NIELSEN AS Ludmilla Vobet Drago in "ROCKY IV": A CHARACTER BIOGRAPHY by Dane Youssef

Just as her husband took home the Gold Medal for Amateur Boxing, she herself is also a Gold Medalist athlete. An Olympic swimmer who quite resembles a Swedish Supermodel. She and her husband are dubbed by the press "Smash and Splash." She also seems to be more fluent in the English language, so she plays the part of not only translator, spokesman on his behalf.

She's so proud of him, so in awe. She speaks of him in only glowing terms. When he shows off his superhuman strength and fighting style, she practically glows herself.

Her spouse's first pro fight is an exhibition match in Las Vegas. She's ringside. She and Nikolai exchange looks of confusion at the big opening musical number featuring James Brown. And she takes a drag of cigarette.

Lumidia seems decent and hospitable enough. She even extends a hand and an offer of friendship right before the big fight. It's just a show for Apollo and the crowd. None of the Americans have any idea how serious the Red are taking this little match. It's almost a comeback after losing the Cold War.

This isn't just good clean fun. Ivan fights like he truly hates the former champ.When Drago KO's the Champ in the second round, we see her cruelly smiling in slow motion.

Apollo dies with his gloves on. Ivan is accused of first-degree murder. Threats are made on the lives of the Russians, particularly Ivan. Accusations are bombarded. He is branded as a monster. And maybe he is...

Rocky swears revenge in a way. He challenges the Russian's superhuman boxing technological marvel on Christmas Day.

After a brutal Cold War in the ring between the Italian Stallion and the Siberian Bull, well... suffice to say, America left standing again. Hey, they got the heart. Even though Drago gave a hell of a lot more punches. Stronger punches, even that The Rock did.

And after it's all over, Rocky is given the mike and gives a speech to the all-Russkie crowd who is now pumping their fists in the air and chanting for him, rather than the home team.

Despite her husband getting not only a brutal pummeling... even Lumidia is moved by the Italian Stallion's words.

--For More Than Just One Lady in Russia... and all of the US of A, Dane Youssef

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

RAQUEL... BEAUTY ICON, SEX SYMBOL, SOMETIMES ACTRESS... AND ONCE BALLERINA by Dane Youssef

RAQUEL... BEAUTY ICON, SEX SYMBOL, SOMETIMES ACTRESS... AND ONCE BALLERINA by Dane Youssef


The Golden Globe-winning and long-time cover girl Ms. Jo-Raquel Welch is just one in a long line of classical leading movie starlets who made their start in ballet and planned not on a life on the silver screen, but on the stage as a prima ballerina absolutta with the American Ballet Theatre, The Royal Ballet... even The Bolshoi. Not trying to be Elizabeth Taylor, but Margot Fonteyn.


Raquel herself said in her life story, the tell-autobiography behind the pin-up--"Beyond The Cleavage," that she wanted to be a ballerina, taking it for an entire decade of her life--most of her childhood. From seven to seventeen.


When Ms. Welch spoke of her, " She cut quite a striking figure with her long silver hair cascading down her back, well past her waist. She would put it up with exotic-looking combs during class. Irene Clark was not at all like the typical La Jolla matron. She was an artiste. She conducted class by tapping an ornately carved cane with a silver tip like a rhythmic metronome to the count of Les Sylphides."


She admitted to having not only a case of hero worship on her childhood dance teacher, but a romantic Jones on the older lady as well. Why? Well, she was a strong female figure with a command of the whole practice of ballet--she dominated this form with attitude and style to spare. The same way every aspiring dancer looks to their coach with a mixture of awe and idol worship. They emulate their commanding officer, the way stem cells imitate their host. "You are everything I want to be... everything I will try to be..."


And her professor of ballet, Raquel's de factor sergeant of the art of classical dance eventually told her after ten years that her adult body had fermented to a type that would not make for a good ballerina. A set of broad line-backer shoulders a good mile apart, a considerable set of crushing breasts, a considerable 5'6"stature--kind of lanky for a lady. She tells us, "This ballet goddess had broken my heart. I emulated her. All I wanted to do was to be like her. I was destroyed all at once like any innocent girl is when she hears 'I don't love you back.' "


At the ripening age of seventeen, she kicked the habit of classical ballet, along with the childhood dreams of being a classical danseuse. But in her very own words--written in her own life story: "All those years of ballet had sculpted a near perfect body... racehorse legs, a very slender waist, great strength and flexibility--not to mention confidence."


She's not the only one--a lot of actresses who practiced "the ballet" as kids and eventually moved on... walked away with a lot of the same--benefits, attitude and all. Ballet wasn't just something they did--it was what they became. Actresses such as Audrey Hepburn, Neve Campbell, Jenna Elfman, Amanda Schull, Zoe Salanda, Jennifer Grey, Lea Thompson, Shirley MacLaine, Natalie Portman, Teri Polo, Marin Hinkle and Amy Smart. Just looking at them now, seeing how they act and behave in life, how they carry themselves--you can clearly see the influence that has never left them.
Just like the boys--men such as Charlie Sheen, Warren Beatty, Ed O' Neil, Rick Fox, Alex Karras, Ed Mariano and Chuck Connors who played traditional sports (you know, the kind with balls) did in their salad days. Sports--it's not just another form of exercise, it's a very way of life. It was theirs.


Now just look at Ms. Welch's body all those years ago (as if I actually have to talk you into it) and look at her body today. Look what the way of ballet has done to her--no, FOR her. And what it's done to all others who've happened to take it--and mean it. I have myself and I know what I'm talking about.


Oh, she still has a soft spot for it--she's still eternally grateful. She took similar exercises throughout the course of her entire life--cheerleading, swimming, aerobics, etc. She always stood like a prominent ballerina. If you don't keep at it, you lose it completely--like any other sport. But once you've really attained it, you have that way... that air of ease, that essence... that je ne sais quoi. And it's pure magic. It's helped a lot of people find their way, even those who found a way outside of ballet itself.


Sports do tend to do that, don't they? Hell, that's what they're there for. That's why they've lasted so many thousands of years--they tell you so much about life while speaking as little as possible.... but we're always listening.



--A Modern-Day Raquel Welch Fan, Dane Youssef


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